Dear Sean

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Like most Australians I have been following along with the tragic events of the last few days. It seems almost unexplainable that someone who appeared as young, handsome and full of life as Phil Hughes will never hit another century, never don the baggy green again or never return to his family farm. By all accounts he seemed like a typical Aussie larrikin and a down to earth country kid who was lucky enough to live his dream. Most importantly he was a friend to many and was as we have seen in the last few days, admired by all. What really made my heart-break though was the photo of you wiping a tear from your face. Just like Hughes you are young, handsome and full of life until the tragic moment that the ball left your hands. I am sure the moments beforehand were routine, just like any other, after all you were just doing your job. You did not know and no one watching on knew in that moment lives would unfairly and almost unexplainably change forever. No one will ever know or truly understand the pain you are going through right, now losing a friend in such a tragic accident but please do not blame yourself, because a tragic accident is exactly what it was. Your life will no longer be as carefree as it once was, only time will tell if you find the same joy in cricket as you once did or if the demons of what has happened are far to great for you to overcome.

Sport, just like life is uncertain. Every moment that we get, whether it is at the top of our game on the sports field or in life in general is unpredictable. As hard as we try to control the game or control life, you – perhaps more than anyone – will understand that sometimes the path which life takes us on is out of our hands. We cannot control our destiny just like you could not control that ball once it had left your hands. For some of us, the uncertain nature of life is what gives us the thrill to wake up in the morning, for others the same uncertainty can be the root of debilitating anxiety. My prayer for you is that the uncertainty of life not scare any more than it has in the past few days and that you continue to live the life that you love and the life that he would want you to live. We only have one life, it is a crazy ride. We do not know what is around the corner and we cannot live expecting the worst to follow us. If this devastating and freak twist of fate shows us anything, we should learn to appreciate the time which we have left. He lived his dream and please do not loose sight of yours. I leave you with his own words, words which perhaps can bring comfort to those who are grieving and those like you who may be unsure what the future holds:

‘I’ve been in and out of the national side probably four or five times now…I don’t like to dwell on what’s happened…If you don’t pick yourself up and keep moving forward you’re going to be left right back in the pack…That’s something I’ve always looked to do, stay really positive in my mindset and pick myself up and look to get better every time I train…It’s about getting out of bed in the morning and becoming a better player, that’s my mindset because I suppose I’ve had a few kicks over the past few years.’

Does perfection exist?

These photos from thoughtcatalog.com show us how the idea of perfection is different for everyone.
These photos from thoughtcatalog.com show us how the idea of perfection is different for everyone.

Perfection is a funny word. Too many of us find ourselves striving for perfection but in reality does it even exist? How can we ever achieve perfection, if too often we are aiming for something that we have never seen before? I will be the first to admit that too often I am a perfectionist. Even right now, staring at this blank screen trying to find the ‘perfect’ words to write. I am asking myself whether I should be witty or perhaps more serious. I am asking myself not just what I want to write, but what you might want to read. But what I really want to ask myself and you as well is do we ever really achieve perfection?

These days the idea of perfection is everywhere particularly when discussing body image. From the seemingly unattainable images of beauty that grace the covers of magazines to moments captured and shared on Instagram which we comment ‘perfect’ to, there is no escaping the idea and the pressure of perfection. Is this obsession with Kylie Jenner’s lips, that fitness model’s body or your best friends hair purely adoration or does it also foster insecurity?

These photos from thoughtcatalog.com show us how the idea of perfection is different for everyone.
These photos from thoughtcatalog.com show us how the idea of perfection is different for everyone

Without hesitation almost all of us could pick something about our body that we do not like. Whether it’s the fact that you do not have a thigh gap, do not like your teeth or do not quite have abs in bikini season, studies show that up to 90 per cent of teenagers would change at least one thing about their body and the results are similar for adults. Body image issues are well documented amongst women but we should also take a second to consider the fact that the impact is remarkably similar for young boys and men. While we lust over Channing Tatum in ‘Magic Mike’, Zac Efron just being Zac Efron or if you’re me football players like Sonny Bill Williams they are having the same body image struggles that we have. Instagram, Facebook and the girls in their life tell them that they should look like a Crossfit model, be as charming as Noah in ‘The Notebook’ and somehow find the time to be the next Christian Grey. While we are in a constant battle to have perfect hair, a flat stomach and tanned skin, they are in the same battle with their mind and their body that most women face everyday.

Perfection it seems is nothing more than a culmination of society’s perception of what we should look like and how we should act. The reality however, is that we all have flaws. To borrow a line from Miley Cyrus, who I am not ashamed to say is my favourite Disney star and someone who does not try to fit in with the confines of perfection, ‘Nobody’s Perfect’. As hard as we try, trying to have the perfect life or the perfect body is a goal that is in immeasurable and quite often unattainable. The only thing we get from striving for perfection is pressure of failure when we don’t find ourselves looking like Kim Kardashian after the 30 day program in the magazine said we would. How can we tell when we have reached perfection if we do not even understand what it’s meant to be. The funniest thing about perfection is that while we often try and make ourselves feel perfect in comparison to others, no two definitions of perfection are the same.

Perhaps the real lesson here is that if we stop labelling others as perfect so we see what others think is perfect in us instead of obsessing over what we perceive to be our imperfections.

Why the future should not scare you

hsm31It is that time of year again. One full of deadlines, fake tans and the dreaded question of ‘what happens after school?’ For grade twelve students across the country, the next month represents the final days of their schooling. In the past thirteen years they have grown from the preschooler wearing the oversized bucket hat waving their parents goodbye on their first day of school to the capable young men and women who are about to walk out of the school gates for one final time. Among them there will more than likely be the bankers, footballers, farmers, retail assistants, pharmacists of the future and everything in between.

For some, knowing what they want to do after school is easy but for most it is question that is answered with uncertainty and immense pressure. At the age of 17 we expect these young adults, who have just spent their entire lives in the protection which the educational institution offers, to know what they want to do with their lives. Now that you know your ‘ABC’, how to solve quadratic equations and have an understanding of Newton’s Laws you are also expected to know what you want to do when you finish school, understand how to get there and solve the problem. Sure there are guidance officers, teachers, parents and friends to help you through the experience, but perhaps the biggest issue is the pressure which some students face at the idea of not knowing what they want to do when they finish school.

I was one of those students that seemingly had it all figured out. I wanted to be a lawyer and I had worked hard enough to get into the course of my choice. What I was not prepared for was the reality that became my first semester of uni. I absolutely hated law and I realised that I certainly did not want to spend the rest of my life with a business card that read ‘Solicitor’ in the fine print. I know that I am definitely not the first student to leave school and find myself six months down the track with a totally different life direction and I know that I certainly will not be the last.

Here is my advice to those finishing year twelve, regardless of whether you have no idea, a bit of an idea or are absolutely certain what you want do when you leave. The future can be scary, trust me, I know. Right now I am facing my own uncertain future, coming to the end of my degree I am waiting to hear about whether or not I have been accepted into the course I have applied for next year. The thought of finishing for good at the end of next year is as thrilling as it is scary. While I cannot wait to finish Uni and almost ironically get into the classroom, my head whirls with questions over whether I will find a job, if I will have to move away and even just what the future holds in general. As scary as the future may look, it is also extremely exciting. One chapter of your life so to speak may be ending but the real adventure is just starting. It does not matter if you are not one hundred percent sure what your dream job is or even if your dream job is possible, what is important is that you remember to have fun. Do not do something because it seems like the right thing to do, the easy thing to do or even just something to do…do something that you enjoy. Discover your strengths and your weaknesses and really look to discover yourself. They say if you are having fun you will never have to work a day in your life and I believe you need to create your dream, instead of letting your dream create you. The most important thing though when you step out of those school gates for the final time is to remember not to be afraid. Do not be afraid of the future, the unknown or what to do when plan a through to z all fall through and do not at any point be scared of hard work, because nobody ever learned to value themselves and what they were capable of without some good old fashioned hard work.

Too often we are scared of failure but it is only through failure that we realise the value of hard work. I have always been a huge Rugby League fan and have always admired the commitment that it takes to become a professional footballer. The journey starts long before the words ‘OP’, year 12 or life after school are even a mere thought in most people’s minds. I came across the journey of one footballer, Tom Kingston who I believe has a lesson that we should all take note of, whether you are finishing school, feeling a bit lost in life or looking for a new adventure. At the age of 26 he found himself ready to plan for life after football, while playing in the second tier Queensland Cup competition and he was yet to make his NRL debut. While 26 probably seems young to be giving up on a dream when we compare it to other careers, for someone who wants to play professional football at 26 he was probably starting to feel like last unpicked apple on the tree, but never did he give up hope and that is the lesson we need to learn from him. Commitment and passion are important but you need hope too and you need to believe in yourself. It would have been easy for Kingston to say it was ‘too hard’ or that it was not going to happen and he very well could have but he didn’t. Instead Kingston found himself making his NRL debut for the Gold Coast Titans earlier this year and has recently signed a contract for 2015. You might not achieve your dream the day you step outside those school gates, but if you promise yourself that you will work hard and not give up, you have a much better chance of achieving it. Nobody ever won a gold medal, got a promotion or achieved a goal by saying it was too hard and giving up, after all don’t they say ‘you’ve got to be in it to win it’?

Discover what you are truly passionate about and do it! Do not let fear stop you and do not give up until you are there. Enjoy the final days of school and remember that no matter what you do, smile while you are doing it.